Monday, January 19, 2015

Obama's War On Vegans

One cannot say that Barack Obama shirks his obligations as President. He just has a different worldview from, well, just about everyone. Many Americans today, think he should be waging a war on Islamic terrorism. But Mr. Obama as an evolved man feels the need, nay, the compulsion, to wage war on vegans. Actually vegans and cows.

With his innate ability to approach a problem from the side rather than head on, Mr. Obama is calling this a war on methane. But believe me, it's vegans and cows he is out to get. The average person can't explain why our President is taking on this battle. They in their average minds think that jobs, terrorism, and the economy are the fights that need to be fought. But being pretty much average myself, I haven't a clue as to what that man may be thinking.

Obama claims that the war on methane is the ongoing battle against global warming. But since the globe hasn't warmed in eighteen years, that makes no sense. We all know that methane smells really bad. We also know that a diet of legumes and Brussels sprouts generates large quantities of methane. We also know that the President loves to give dinner parties at the White House. In this modern age, I have been told, it is tres chic among the elite to be vegan. (I hear they use terms like "tres chic") So, imagine, a bunch of vegans chowing down closed up in the White House dining room. I think you get my drift.

There is a rumor out there that after a party for a bunch of Hollywood types, it took three days to air out the room. It must have gotten really rough around midnight.

The war on cows is a little harder to understand. It is a fact that even lady cattle produce prodigious amounts of methane. And I doubt if Barack has ever had a relationship with a cow of the dairy variety. One might think that he is honestly concerned about methane. But I have learned, with Mr.  Obama, nothing is ever as it seems.

My guess is that, since the USDA army got run off that ranch in Wyoming by a bunch of cowboys on horses carrying lever action rifles, they are feeling embarrassed and under utilized so the President is giving them something to make them feel useful. They will, undoubtedly, be in charge of monitoring cow farts. I am sure that will bring everything back into balance in Obamaworld.

So while he is letting terrorists out of Gitmo, cozying up to Iran,ignoring the need for good jobs rather than Macjobs, and pretending he really did win the war on terrorism, Mr. Obama proves his relevance on the world stage by waging a war on methane. Whoopee! 

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