Friday, March 14, 2014

The Joy Of Intellectualism

Thank God we have the intellectual elite to guide us. Politicians, actors, singers, people who talk on TV as experts. People who know they are smart. It is obvious to the casual observer that we of the common rabble that work at real jobs are incapable of making life decisions with the freedom enjoyed by our forefathers. While they were giants that wrote the Constitution, freed the slaves, and twice saved Europe from itself, we are humble critters of little greatness. 

Well, at least that is how we are seen by those that consider themselves our betters and those that would be our masters. Among many other things, they wish to control the words we use. Brilliant women, who I have never heard of, have decided that the word "bossy" is no longer appropriate to use. I find this particularly troubling because now I will have to rename my cow. (Just kidding. I don't own a cow.) I can understand banishing cruel ethnic words that are hurtful, out of common decency. But English is a powerful language. The descriptors in English serve a useful purpose and have nothing to do with common decency. This is just silly.

The elite despise guns and believe only criminals and the police should have them. Well, that is not exactly true. The elite's bodyguards should also have guns. After all the elite must be protected. Not the honest taxpaying rabble however, even though our right to own firearms is protected in the Constitution. To the elite, the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights is just a suggestion. After all, you wouldn't want one of the rabble harming some thug while protecting his or her family. Here's an interesting fact. Women are the largest group of first time handgun purchasers today.

The elite are taking a much needed stand against those silly magnet schools. I mean, how good can they really be? After all they are not controlled by teachers unions, who, as you all know, are all about the children. So the kids that go to the magnet schools score higher in tests and many more get into college. What does that prove? In many urban areas the population of magnet schools is primarily poor minorities. This is just wrong. Those schools are just depriving these children of the variety of life experiences enjoyed by their homies, like drugs and muggings and a chance to be part of a social group like the Bloods or the Crips.

You know, I like salt. I consider it a food group all by itself. My kids used to call me the "cookie monster", and I love a good 32 oz. drink of cola. That sugar and caffeine really gets you going. In more ways than one. Until the elites explained, I never truly appreciated the magnitude of my errors. Thank you, (please pick the deity of your choice) for the elite food police. Now I can deprive myself of all the tasty things that I enjoy, be politically correct, and extend my life for an extra three months or so and be miserable doing it.

Those great philosophers, the Rolling Stones, said it best, and I use their words as I say to those much un-admired, self-appointed, smug guardians of the universe, "Hey You, Get Off Of My Cloud". 

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