Thursday, November 7, 2013

Letters To The Editor - One

I have expanded the staff here at Cranky Conservative. We now have someone to cope with letters to the editor. Her name is Acerbia Pontificate, and we are pleased to acquire her services. Acerbia is a graduate of one of the famed women's universities, know as the Twelve  Aunts. She has advanced degrees in minority studies, women's studies, and personal relationships. She comes to us from a media career as the manager of the want ads section of a free local shoppers newspaper, where she turned the want ads section into a profit center by including a personal ads section for young ladies seeking to start a career. Recently she was cut back to thirty hours and lost her health care insurance. So she is willing to work for food and the occasional over the counter medicine if she should get sick. Welcome aboard Acerbia.

Dear Cranky, 

I adore the President. He is so cute. And I love the sound of his voice. That is my problem. Every time he is on TV, I am compelled to sit and listen to every word he says. Which means, that I spend almost full time in front of my TV. Thank God for Air Force One. At least when he is flying I get a chance to grab a sandwich and use the facilities, if you get my drift.

But because of my devotion to my new messiah, I have lost my job. That wasn't too bad because I met this lovely young woman from some group called ACORN. She arranged for me to get welfare, section eight housing, food stamps, and an Obamaphone. Life was good.

 But now they are cutting back on food stamps and my Obamaphone no longer makes free overseas phone calls. Is my dear Barack angry with me? Am I about to be dumped? What should I do.

Signed: Messed up in Memphis 

Dear Messed, 

I hate to tell you this Messed, but he has dumped all of us. I understand your pain. For a while I felt the same way. He is not angry. He is busy. He makes up stories that make him look good and tell his supporters what they want to hear. But these stories never seem to work out as he wants them to. See as a child, he loved that movie line "wishing will make it so". He believed it and still does. See, he never quite grew up. So he is busy making up new stories to explain the old. So buck up. You can probably squeeze a few more years of a free ride out of this.


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