Life's Great Truths

1. It never works the way they claimed it would in the commercial. 
2. That bargain won't be such a bargain when you add shipping and handling.
3. That kit that you bought will always be one special part short.
4. And the instructions for that kit will be written by someone who learned English in an oriental country.
5. It won't fit where you thought it would.
6. It won't come with batteries.
7. If it is too heavy for one person to move, all your friends will be out of town that weekend.
8. That one time you need AAA, everyone else will too. Enjoy your two hours sitting in a snowbank.
9. Flat tires occur when you are already late for an important appointment.
10. There is no way to stop those long distance phone calls labeled 800 service or from some distant city where you know no one.
11. And they always call when you are eating.
12. Those little GPS gizmos aren't perfect.
13. Cell phone batteries discharge themselves when you most need them. Really, it's them not you. I'm sure you remembered to charge the little bugger.
14. Pizza just doesn't taste the way it used to.